Recently, my parents, stopped me and told me, “Tenley, you are 26 years old, you have lived a very honest life, and you have experienced some unique things, and have experienced some really hard life trials… don’t worry so much of what others are thinking of you; enjoy your life.” I needed to hear this, I had started living in such a way that I was getting caught up in how my life looked to others, and always being above “their’ reproach. This is important, but I am only human, and I shouldn’t be so worried what others are thinking of me or how I might disappoint someone. Like I said, I’m only human, I’m bound to disappoint people along the way, there’s no way I can please everyone, and I shouldn’t act like it’s possible.

Over the last couple of years, I’ve really been learning how to live, and I want to live in a way that is honorable, but also spontaneous and free! This doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be responsible for my actions, but I shouldn’t worry so much what others may think. This itself is a very free way to live! I believe this is how I’m supposed to live my life. I’m not saying that I’ve been making horrible decisions, but I was holding myself back from opportunities or life experiences as I was too wrapped up in being concerned that I was going to disappoint someone.

Now, on the other hand, it is extremely important to me that I still do, “the right thing” – not according to other people and their personal standards – but according to the way I have chosen to live my life. For me, it’s all about who I’m living it for, and that’s not for me, or for anyone else but God. I don’t want to do anything that would be detrimental to building my relationship with Him. However, I don’t always get it right. Thank goodness for grace.

On that note, I hope that people will keep in mind that things aren’t always as they appear. My wish is that people will know me for me, and not someone edited on a television show. I have been so blessed with people believing in me, supporting me, and knowing where my heart is.

Tenley

“It’s by grace and love I’m saved. It’s by grace and love you have forgiven me. And by the love and grace I’m amazed, and it’s by grace and love I am free…” – Kutless

Speak Love, Act Love, Live Love.
Change the World

Recently I had one of those days; you know, the ones where everything just seems to NOT go your way. Work was overwhelming, my mind was wandering all over the place, and I just couldn’t seem to focus. I felt like screaming at the world to just stop for a minute and give me a chance to breathe. Just when I felt like I was going to burst, I drove to Peet’s Coffee (for may latest favorite, iced soy chai), mainly to clear my mind. As I was driving, I was talking to a friend of mine (and updating my Twitter , and they told me how blessed I was. My initial thought was, “blessed…are you kidding me? My life is out of control”. And then I began to reflect on all the things God has done in my life, and to be honest, I then felt a bit guilty. Recently, I’ve been living out my dream and here I am complaining- shame on me!

Less than a year ago I had lost the love of my life, my house was almost in foreclosure, and on a regular basis I found myself curled up into a ball crying out to God. Now, when I stop and see where I am today, I am amazed. I have an incredible job at The Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising, I live with my sister (and best friend) and have people coming up to me on a regular basis saying they are “fans” of mine. All of this just blows me away, my life has been flipped upside-down in the past year and it’s humbling and exciting to be on this journey.

I recently read that we should, “consider it pure joy whenever we face trials, because that testing develops perseverance”. My goal for each day is simply to remember that I’m here on earth for a bigger purpose, and it’s not about me. I was having a conversation with my manager recently regarding the impact that all of us as individuals have here on earth. He had just returned from his second trip to Haiti, and after hearing the stories of all that is happening down there, I’m moved to do more with my life. I have to count my blessings and do whatever I can to show love to the hurting.

The next time I feel down or alone I hope I stop to realize how truly blessed I am.

Speak Love, Act Love, Live Love
Change The World